he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
