similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
