She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize