new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
