so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
