I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
