dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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