pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love accidental penises.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She bit a glass in half.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
