I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
