walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
