i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
