This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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