I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
