I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
