So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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