I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
