the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
