I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
