You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
