3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
