Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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