i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
