If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
