I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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