in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
