Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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