yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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