Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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