all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
