My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
