Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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