I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
