You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
