I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
