Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
