the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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