i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
