I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Non-Jews are for practice
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
