my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
