Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
