i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Life without a bra equals bliss.