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then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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