i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch