How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD