Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
