His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
