as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
