It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
