i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i believe in u and ur pee
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