I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
