My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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