my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
