dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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