I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
