She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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