Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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