ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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