Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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