We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
