did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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