it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
smell my finger.
the day after is always just damage control
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
