i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
