last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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