she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
