i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
