I'm so fucking centered right now
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.