Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.