Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
