He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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