I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
