he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
