I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
