do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
