Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
