Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
