There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
