Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
even my farts smell like vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
