At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
