Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
