I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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