DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
